All the jobs I ever wanted to do (and how I would have fared at them)
The Alternate Lives of Stephen JA Hill (age 30 and a bit)
Being in somewhat reflective mood of late (did you read the piece about the time I was an Emperor?) I’ve been thinking much about my earlier life, and in particular, the varying careers that I have aspired to over the course of my life. One of the problems with being a curious sort is that there are a very great many things that appeal to you, and it’s perhaps this that has meant that my aspirational career journey has not just been from helicopter to fireman to middle manager in a staple shop. So, here, in rough order, and with rough time periods outlined, are all the jobs I ever wanted to do.
Thief (5-6)
The earliest job I remember wanting to do, if you can call it a job, was thief. I have distinct memories of being in the playground at primary school, with my chums and forming the imaginatively named ‘Robber Gang’. Gang, very much in the sense of a ‘gang’ from some sort of boy’s own adventure book certainly, and as for the robber bit, well that’s rather self-explanatory. To the best of my memory the only things we ever actually stole were the name-tags from other children’s coat hooks in the corridor- a veritable Brinks-Mat level heist certainly, though I do remember much plotting in shadowy corners of the “consie” (the small wooded conservation area we had in the corner of our village school’s grounds- I always want to ask if the children who still attend there still use the name, but cannot, for obvious reasons) about shadowy midnight raids on Wilkos in town to filch sweets, pens, and (given that it was Wilkos) presumable a variety of inexpensive and sensible homewares. There wasn’t much in our town to raid, though why on earth we planned on Wilkos rather than the much more exciting Woolworth’s I can’t remember for the life of me. Wilkos was a couple of hundred metres closer. Maybe we thought it would make for a quicker getaway for our ill-gotten gains.
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